A JOKE OR TWO.!!

Kim Jong Un, Announced at a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the Sun within ten years.
A Reporter said,"But The Sun Is Too Hot, How Can Your Man Land On The Sun??..

There was a stunning silence,Nobody Knew How To React..

Kim Jong Un Quietly answered, "We Will Land At Night"..

The gathering and everyone in North Korea watching on television broke into thunderous applause ..

Back in Washington, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news Conference.


When Trump heard what Kim Jong Un said, He Sneered ,

"What An Idiot, Everybody Known There's No Sun At Night" :rasp:.


His Cabinet and everyone working in the White House Broke Into Thunderous Applause,.

 

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it

inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years,

but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”.

 

DON'T WORRY ... THE PRESIDENT SAYS: "ALL IS WELL"...

 

Diarrhoea is hereditary. It runs in the genes.

G.

 

My Wife and I went to the Auction Mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first Exhibits we stopped at was the Breeding Bulls.
We went up to the first Pen and there was a sign attached that said:::."THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR".
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs------smiled and said,"That mated 50 times last year,that's almost once a week".

We walked to the second Pen which had a Sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR".

My wife gave me a Hearty Jab and said--"WOW=That's more than twice a week -----------,
"You Could Learn A Lot From Him".

We walked to the Third Pen and it had a sign attached which said,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR".

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs,and said-------------.
"That's Once a day-----You could really learn something from THIS one".

I looked at her and said,"Go over and ask him if every time was with the same Old Cow"?.



"My Condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually,


Make A Full Recovery". .

 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Pkeiv7hZy_Y

 

There was a man who couldn't stand his wife's cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house.

He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park.
But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.
The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him. 'This is impossible,' said the man to himself. 'tomorrow I'll make sure he can't come back!'



The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn - right, left, right, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.

A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers. It's the husband, and he asks: "Is the cat there?" "Why, yes." says the wife, "he's been here quite a while, where are you?"






"Put that little sod on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."

 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/IZDYhQ4UAnA

 

http://humour.bluehaze.com.au/files/20170910_2017-06-20-video-000000.mp4

 

First Day At The Senior Complex.

On her first day at the senior complex,the new manager addressed all the seniors,pointing out some of her rules.

"The Female sleeping quarters will be out of bounds for ALL males,and the Male dormitory out of bounds to All Females".

"Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined £25 for the first time".

She continued,
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined £49".
"Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of £80" .

"Are there any questions?".
At this point an older Gentleman stood up in the crowd inquires,










"HOW MUCH FOR A SEASON PASS" ?...









.

 

A widower who rather disliked his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately.

He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

"Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Happier than you were with me?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"

"I'm not in Heaven, dear."

 

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