A JOKE OR TWO.!!

Radio 4 today replayed a rare interview with Denis Thatcher.
He recounted that he once was on a very crowded train from Paddington, but found a section of seats reserved for the 'Rosemount Mental Home'.
He settled himself in the corner. At Reading a group of people with a very nervous looking mental nurse boarded. The nurse started counting his charges: "one, two three four, five......ermmm, who are you?"
"I'm the husband of the Prime Minister"
".......six, seven, eight........"

 

You should think shame of yourself Mowerman, Wee Jimmie Krankie will be really annoyed,
With that Comparison, "Fan- Dabi-Dobi ..

 

This is what happened when Mr T spent to long in the sun building Mexican Walls.

 

A Man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said,"But we don't know anything about each other". He said,"that,s ok,we will learn about each other as we go along",so she consented and they were married.
Off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were laying by the pool,when he got up off his towel,climbed up to the ten metre board and did a two and a half tuck followed by three rotations in the pike position,at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few demonstrations he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said,"That was incredible " !.
He said,"I used to be an Olympic Champion, you see I told you we would learn more about each other as we went along".
She got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths, after 100 lengths she climbed out of the pool,lay on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.

He said," That was Incredible !, were you an Olympic Endurance Swimmer?".


"No" she said.






"I was a Prostitute in Liverpool, but I worked both sides of the Mersey" .

 

The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady who had just got married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life,about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,and then about her new husbands occupation.
"He's a Funeral Director",she answered, 'interesting',the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands,and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments,needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time ,a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,explaining that she had first married a Banker when she was in her 20's, then a Circus Ringmaster when in her 40's,and a Preacher when in her 60's,and now in her 80's-a Funeral Director.

The interviewer looked at her,quite astonished,and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained::::::::::









"I married one for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready",


"And Four to go". .



That joke has just killed me singing Elvis's ,Blue Suede Shoes. .

 

A Nun badly needed to use the Restroom,walked into a local club,the place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while,'the lights would turn off'.
Each time the lights would go out the place would erupt in cheers.
However, when the revellers saw the Nun the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the Bartender and asked,"May I please use the restroom?".
The Bartender replied,"Ok, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a Fig Leaf".

"Well in that case,I'll just look the other way,", said the Nun.
So the Bartender showed the Nun to the back of the Restaurant

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the Nun a loud round of applause .
She went to the Bartender and said,"Sir ,I don't understand, why did they applaud for me just because I went to the Restroom?".

"Well now they know you're one of us",said the Bartender,"Would you like a drink?".

"No Thank You,but, I still don't understand", said the puzzled Nun.
"You see",laughed the Bartender,
"Every time someone lifts the Fig Leaf on that statue",




"The Lights Go Out" .:rasp:.