Fifty Shades of Grey - Pam Ayres style.....

The missus bought a Paperback
Down Shepton Mallet way.
I had a look inside her bag
'Twas Fifty Shades Of Grey

Well I just left her to it,
And at 10 I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well forty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Sheila hasn't weathered well;
She's seventy-five next week !

Watching Sheila bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer !

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !

Now if you knew our Sheila,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
for the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit !

Sheila screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one" !

Well readers, I
can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey