How to effectively tell someone off?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by clueless1, Sep 25, 2012.

  1. clueless1

    clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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    My latest student at work is, shall we say, sadly lacking in the 'respect for his seniors' department. He routinely criticises the work of those of us who are veterans in our craft, despite the fact he simply has no idea about anything yet. Worse than criticising and mocking our work, he regularly tries to put us down, especially the other younger lads.

    The thing is, I'm convinced he doesn't mean it and doesn't even realise he's doing it. Another thing is, I'm probably the most patient and understanding person in our company, so I sometimes don't realise how much he's winding up our colleagues.

    Its reached a climax now. I had to stave off the lynch mob today. I've been told I have to have a serious word with him tomorrow otherwise, I'm assured, the other lads are going to take matters into their own hands.

    Numerous times, I have words with this lad, and tried to address our concerns in a calm, tactful and respectful way. Each time he behaves for a few days afterwards and then slips back to his old ways. So, tomorrow I will not be taking any pleasure at all in having to give him a proper telling off. Any tips on how I should do this firmly but without making the lad feel like we're all ganging up on him?

    I've never had to tell any of my students/juniors off before. I've had to have words, sure enough, but never had to give them a good ticking off.
     
  2. JWK

    JWK Gardener Staff Member

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    Just tell him what you said above, there's no need to dress it up. He needs to know that he must change his attitude and respect his workmates otherwise he'll get lynched, that might sink in.
     
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    • pete

      pete Growing a bit of this and a bit of that....

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      Well I realise its probably a different environment, but in a workshop, if the youngsters get out of line, they usually get sorted by who ever they upset.
      Its kind of traditional, and if they complain,....... hard luck mate.

      Nobody wants to be Billy Nomates.
       
    • Scrungee

      Scrungee Well known for it

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      He's ignored too many chances

      [​IMG]
       
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      • miraflores

        miraflores Total Gardener

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        He is in the wrong working environment for his needs - let him go.
         
      • Phil A

        Phil A Guest

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        I've had to deal with similar, but on a building site where getting above your station has different results. Not sure how to deal with it in an office.
         
      • "M"

        "M" Total Gardener

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        Perhaps he needs a direct "mentor"? That way, when his behaviour begins to decline, it will be picked up on sooner and corrected (again, and again, and probably again!).

        I do agree, I do not think he is intentionally being a wind-up merchant but is a reflection on how some of his peer group "communicate" between themselves. Of course, now he's in the big wide world and needs to learn the rules of the game.
         
      • Fat Controller

        Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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        Are you his manager?

        If so, I would suggest that to just dismiss him without any sort of disciplinary warning would be unfair, and although he probably wouldn't have any rights if he hasn't been with you that long, it still wouldn't look good. If he has had formal warnings regarding this before, then its a different story of course.

        I'd be inclined to sit him down, and tell him straight where he has been going wrong, and also what you expect from him in the future in terms of his behaviour and performance. Make it clear to him what will happen next if he fails to improve, and then back the whole thing up with a letter outlining the conversation, including what the next stage will be if he doesn't improve.
         
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        • clueless1

          clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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          Sadly, I think there is a failing on my part as much as his. I was appointed as his supervisor and mentor, a role I accepted willingly because I've done it many times before and find it really rewarding. Our last student was put under someone else's command and he was being lost, until I intervened and without permission from my gaffer, just took over and turned the situation round.

          I failed to realise that everyone else was getting ever increasingly angry and frustrated. It turns out the relative peace was only because they were all trying to completely ignore him.

          So tomorrow, I'll have to just tell him. There's no other way round it. The truth is, I think he is just socially inept. So I think after his good telling off, I'll then leave it a few days then suggest a team pint after work. Maybe in the more relaxed environment of the pub, maybe everyone will start to get along again. Either that or there'll be a big blowout and everyone gets it out of their system.
           
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          • Robajobs

            Robajobs I ♥ Organic manure and fine Iranian lagers

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            Ways and means of dealing with kids and adults for that matter. No two people are the same, we are not programmed the same as robots.
            What works for one may not work for another. A stern ticking off may have an opposite effect to what your are trying to achieve and make him worse than he already is. The object of the exercise is to motivate him to be a part of a team.
            Tell him how important he is and how you hope he will show leadership qualities in future.
            If that doesn't work, sack him.
             
          • clueless1

            clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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            FC, fortunately I don't have the authority or the burden of responsibility to fire him. Even if I did, I agree that would be unfair. It would also be a cop out. He is a person at the end of the day. I've never lost one of my minions yet, and I have no intention of starting now:)
             
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            • Fat Controller

              Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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              Good on you clueless1!

              I am one of four managers responsible for over 400 staff at our site, so I understand how difficult it can be sometimes. Over the years, I have found two main things - treating people the way you would wish to be treated yourself generally gets the best out of them, and sometimes that means that they need to be told things 'like it is'; the other thing is that all people are essentially big kids, and like all kids they need clear boundaries, clear understanding of where they are in relation to those boundaries, and what happens when they go outwith them.

              However, having said all that, there are some people who simply will not respond no matter how hard you try, and they will inevitably end up leaving the business one way or another - if you have done your bit right, they will have been given every chance to improve and it will show clearly that the issue lies with the individual.

              Good luck!
               
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              • "M"

                "M" Total Gardener

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                Maybe; have you researched the "Y" generation? ;)
                 
              • Jenny namaste

                Jenny namaste Total Gardener

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                Please don't consider him as a failure on your part Clueless. He's going to be the ultimate loser in life as he will come up against this scenario time and time again if he doesn't mend his ways. It's pretty tough getting and holding down a job now and all you can do is make sure that the message gets through.
                Wishing your inspiration from reading and judging our replies and I hope it all works out for him and you,
                Jenny namaste
                 
              • al n

                al n Total Gardener

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                Kick him in the nuts, tell him to stop peeing people off, tell him it's up to him if he wants the job and if he doesn't show any enthusiasm after a week then get shut. It's not school any more for him, it's his career.
                 
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