Catholic Funeral.What To Expect...

Last week a very good friend of mine and Mr Kandy passed away suddenly,although he had COPD/Emphysema and was on Oxygen it was still a shock to hear he had passed away

Although he was non practising he was still a Catholic and when talking to my friend yesterday she was telling me the details of the funeral but had to ring off because she had a visitor...

Anyway,Mr Kandy and myself will be attending the funeral but as non Catholics we are not sure what the protocol is for a Catholic Funeral as we don't want to go and end up doing things at the church which is wrong for us of a different religion...

Any pointers will be most appreciated as my friend was trying to explain that because her hubby hadn't been to church in many years certain parts of a normal Catholic Funeral can't be done but we don't want to follow the lead of others only to find out we have done something wrong...

Thanks Kandy

 

Hi Kandy, firstly my condolences to you and Mr K

I come from a family of lapsed Irish catholics so possibly not the best person to advise but I will give you my personal perspective. I would act respectful (as I'm sure you would) but don't feel pressured to cross yourself, repeat any of the prayers or any other rituals which are not familiar to you. I would stand when everyone else does, and bow your head in respect when prayers are said, but other than that, I wouldn't worry too much and go with the flow. after all, you are there to pay your final respects to your loved one, not to practise a religion you don't follow. Some services can be very long so the final advice I'll give is to dress warmly incase the church is one of the beautiful but drafty type! I hope it all goes smoothly x

 

My condolences also :(

If they're anything like catholic weddings, you could be in for a bit of a long day, much as Yvonne has said. If you don't know any hymns, prayers etc, you won't be alone. It'll be appreciated you attending.

All the best, my thoughts are with you, and your friend's family

 

My late husband was a lapsed Catholic who wanted a Catholic priest to officiate, the service was held at the crematorium so limited by time, most of the congregation was Welsh, chapel I assume, I am C.of E. , there seemed to be bits we should have said something, but didn`t, but the priest coped manfully, took his fee and forgot it.

 

Condolences to you and your husband.

My wife is a lapsed Catholic, but her family are mostly still practising. When ever we attend a funeral we act very much as Yvonne has said. And as already stated you are there to pay your respects to your friend not the church or religion. Hope all goes well.

Rusty

 

I am not Catholic, so pardon me if any of the below offends.

Both my inlaws gone now, were VERY Catholic. So it all depends on how much money they want to spend on their funeral . As both my inlaws were active in the Catholic church lot of money was spent.
Mother-in-law had about 250 people attending the service and about 200 at the reception buffet table. Father-in-law had about 100 people.
What is expected, what I saw was a lot of symbolic things, waving of the smoke thing over the casket, praying over the expired person. See if you pay enough the priests can pray you into heaven, Catholic folks believe. And there were some prayers to statue of Mary, and another statue of someone else.
Then there is the communion. And only if your Catholic and you confessed your sins to a man, you can go up and take the communion. So if your not, you sit there and wait for that to be done.
My in-laws had two choirs singing, and a soloist. And readers of certain passages of the Bible.
And I was given the casket cross to hold (for some reason, I was chosen). Then it is given up again later for some reason, and given back to me again. Why not the daughter, who knows. Oh, yes and there is the congregational reading, we all read passages, and the priest reads other passages in response. And then the up and down stuff on the knee board. Ok, I think I remember all of it.

 

My condolences, Kandy. Just one thing to add, from experience of Catholic funerals and weddings here. Make sure you've got some loose change. Occasionally you have to file past the altar to 'contribute', rather than a dish being passed round. It can be a bit embarrassing if you're strapped for cash!

 

Ah now you have hit a nerve Noisette ! having toured just a tiny section of the Vatican city,and being shown one piece of priceless marble/painting/sculpture after another, I found myself asking how you can call yourself a christian when you are sitting on such obscene wealth, which could do so much good if actually put to charitable good. It made my blood boil and that's before you consider what they have in the vaults!

Kandy, don't feel obliged to give anything more than you are happy to give.

 

Um, yes, it makes a bit of a mockery of the camels/eyes of needles stuff, doesn't it? But the C of E isn't blameless either! I quite like Hinduism.....at least they're honest about having ambitions to become rich

 

Kandy what you should do is put whatever in a plain sealed envelope, which is the done thing
It could be a penny it could be a hundred pounds NO one would know

I am now of the age where I go to more funerals than weddings or birthdays, The first one I was embarrassed when leaving with the offertry tray, there was some notes, but 90% envelopes
WHAT A GOOD IDEA no embarrassment to anyone

When I was in the RN one rule was never discuss Politics or Religion

What I find distasteful in the Catholic religion is Peters Pence, where the Priest ? whispers in the bereaved ear, the soul will only raise to heaven if Peters Pence is paid, the more you pay per annum the nearer to heaven your loved one gets

I have also had a tour of the Vatican, one room wall to wall of Gold and precious stones, given for confession, worth Millions of Pounds, yet outside the destitute sit begging

Jack McH

 

Many thanks to everyone for their kind words and advice

This is the second funeral we are attending,as we lost a very good long time friend in September although it was in a very nice church,the sort I am familiar with.This is the problem now Jack,we are losing friends that were getting on a bit and when the last of them are gone we will be next in line to go

Very good advice from everyone on here about what to do and not to do so will make sure we take some money with us,and after having an email from my friend yesterday she said there is only going to be a short service as he hadn't beeen to church for years and has told me not to use the Kneelers as there isn't much room to kneel down as the pews?are very close together

Our friends would have been married for 50 years next Feb and their eldest will be 50 next August and they thought we didn't know they had a shotgun wedding all those years ago as it has never been mentioned and the marriage wasn't happy but they stuck it out.One reason I think why my friend was such a heavy smoker just to calm his nerves down.Two very strong willed people me thinks

My mum was a Catholic and dad was C of E but I do know we were not brought up as Catholics and it saddens me when I heard on the telly years ago that Catholic pregnant girls were leaving Ireland to come across to Liverpool to have abortions, which to me is madness and that some old chap in Italy can stop the Catholics from using contraception and yet they could have abortions willy nilly so to speak especially as me and Mr Kandy were desperatley trying everything to have children and yet these inocent lives were being destroyed.It used to make me want to weep

We are going over to see our friend at the weekend and might meet the deceased two sisters as they could be coming over from Belfast at the weekend for the funeral..

Thank you everyone and will let you know how we get on although I shall be a bit nervous,but the experience will set me up for when my friend pops her clogs,although hopefully it will be sometime as she around Shineys age{no offence Shiney } so isn't on her last legs yet

 

I also will not contribute. And not even "hide" a penny in an envelope. But walk out proudly pass the money bins. The Catholic church is such a "business", of what to say, how to say it , to get money from the masses. Not going on

 

Just a quick update to this thread.

Today myself and Mr Kandy went to our late friends funeral and I must say it was done very well although I do wish I knew the second hymn then I could have sung along properly as the words were so nice.I did know the words to Psalm 23 {The Lord's my shepherd}which is one of my favourites.

The priest gave a good service and my friends son did a reading which was also nice.The priest sprinkled holy water a couple of times at the coffin which was something I had never witnessed before and then when we were are the commital our friends wife who incedently is a good friend and her son was asked by the priest if they would like to sprinkle water on the coffin as a final farewell{not sure if this is usual at Catholic funerals?}

This song was also played on the entrance and exit which I love and it brough a tear to both mine and Mr Kandys eyes....



The get together afterwards was nice as well and so nice to see friends and relatives of our friend again.

 

I'm glad it went smoothly Kandy. I found on Monday that one of my dearest work colleagues died suddenly at the age of 40. due to the circumstances there will have to be a post mortem etc. I don't think it will be a catholic ceremony, if I knew Dave, it will be humanist. Such a shock as he was always the life and soul wherever he went and leaves two teenagers