When the head goes- managing life with a close one with a memory disease.

Sadly there is no correct answer. I worked as a senior at a couple of care homes and tried my hardest to treat my residents as I would my Mum & Dad.
When I retired I cared for my partner until she sadly passed on.
I can honestly say caring for a loved one 24/7 is so very much harder than when I worked in the care homes.

 

In many cases the main problem is the staff. They employ who will accept an unstimulating job for a low wage, not who's most suitable for the role. Let's face it very few younger people would find much job satisfaction from attending to old people's sanitary needs. And when you factor in dementia as well, they have to contend with 'irrational' & unfiltered behaviour for their troubles. My step-mum is constantly slagging off staff within their hearing range when we are with her. Its very embarrassing for us but also how can she ever hope to be treated favourably after that?

 

So sorry to hear your news Selleri. My mother-in-Law moved in with us when this started to happen to her. Then when things became worse she had to move into a care home. So here are a few tips if this has to happen. Make a list of those ones that take in residents and keep them if they deteriorate. Some will move them on to another home if they do. Then visit your chosen ones without an appointment to see what sort of reception you get and have a good smell. One we visited unexpectedly had only one overweight elderly lady who could hardly walk answered the door and did not let us in. She actually told us she was in her own. Another smelt of boiled garbage and disinfectant. Once inside check out all the facilities one had rooms that looked like dormitories with a shared bathroom. Check out the staffing numbers and how cheerful the staff look. Then check out the residents in the lounges to make sure they are not doped up to the eye balls staring at the TV. Ask about facilities like food, hairdressers and hand and feet care. Also try and find one not to far away. We moved to be near her home which was OK as it was in a seaside village. All this sound a bit tricky but you will soon develop a system as we did and we found a lovely home for my Mother-in-Law. If you want further info just ask.