Please, no more with the culture and vibrancy

A bloke from the Council knocked on my door the other day. My tangle of ivy and jasmine has grown over the back wall and is blocking a public right of way. Well, to be more accurate, it is blocking a stinking, derelict access road which crims use to torch their getaway cars. I got fed up with having an inferno on the other side of my gate, so I just let the vegetation rip.

Anyway, we are now being threatened with all kinds of awful fates if we don't clear the damn stuff. Got a letter today promising me a visit soon. Once it would be have been from some bloke who looks after fences and boundaries. Now, however, it is from the 'Department of Regeneration, Community and Culture'. Culture. Please. I can't take any more. I just know that I'm dealing with people who have had their brains removed and replaced with small mp3 players which just repeat words like 'diverse', 'inclusive' and, worst of all, 'vibrant' on a continuous loop. I've had enough vibrancy to last me a lifetime. My ambition is to live in a place utterly lacking in anything which could even remotely be termed 'vibrant'. Dull is what we do best in this country. Dull is underrated. Dull is culture.

 

We've been cursed to live in "Interesting Times"

 

Do you live anywhere between Church Lane and Sherwood Avenue? An exact description of the disgusting walkthrough I'm being brick walled while trying to have tidied up. Maybe I'll track down a couple of user's and see if they have a few needles they could lend me. . . . .

Cheers, Tony.

 

If it's a walkway/thoroughfare that you are blocking, then "theoretically" you are contravening lawful transit.
Whether Twockers/torchers are classified in that contact is "ambiguous".
I think I would consider asking the Council and the Police to, due to unlawful activities in the area, patrol the thoroughfare regularly.
It may be that your postcode may be listed on the Insurance "no-go" areas and suffering from excessive premiums.
If there is a Neighbourhood Watch active in the area, get them involved as well.
And get a big dog.

 

Oh boy Clara....good luck and keep us posted.

 

I am clearly in the wrong on this one. Of course, I shouldn't let my plants impinge on a public walkway. On the other hand, the council hasn't taken the slightest interest in the area up till now and has been quite happy to turn a blind eye to all kinds of much more serious things. So my ivy seems like a very small problem in comparison. Where was the council when the MoJ turned the house next door into a mini bail hostel? They OK'd that one. So it's all right to dump crims on us, but not all right for someone to trip on a few fronds of ivy. I'll tidy things in my own good time; I'm not going out in a monsoon to do the job, for instance.

I've written to the council explaining the situation and asking for a bit more time.

Here's an extract:-

To ********
Regeneration, Community and Culture Department

Dear ****

Thank you for your letter of *** regarding the vegetation growing on the end wall of my garden. 'Regeneration, Community and Culture': my ivy is humbled and honoured to play its part in the rich culture of the area ...

 

Clara, you've been communicating with Ziggy for too long. It's rubbing off

 

Clare, I just love your posts!! I always find them quite " vibrant "! You left out the word " scrotes " though.........

 

And Alley Scum.

 

Ones like "Poo Badgers" "Berkenhead!!" "Saffron Walden" & "Oh for Tree's sake" ?

 

You mite find a load of dead drug addicts inside then when you cut it back if its that overgrown

 

I know I'm going to find all sorts of things I'd rather not pick up, Hydro!

 

Tut its not fair. You should be able to get a load of community service people to do it for you, since its their sort that beneffits most from back allies....