Eating 'disorder' and weight loss

So here it is - my niece, aged 15, has had a poor relation with food for a long time. A few years ago her grandmother (my mum) died and it seems to have triggered a worsening of that to an extent people would call it an eating disorder.

Her weight loss has been extreme, she cannot stomach even the thought of eating and what she does eat is in very small quantity and probably not all that nutritious. Doctors (GP) have not been particularly active in this respect although have made referrals which have been slow to materialise and follow ups likewise.

That said, in the last couple of days she has been placed in a wheelchair as doctors are concerned of her heart. Her mum (my sister) has never been exactly strict nor that interested in food which presumably hasn't helped and in addition she has her own medical issues (nerve damage not anything else) plus is looking after my still grieving father with daily visits.

My question really is whether anyone has any experience of this happening and what resolutions may there be? I don;t want to overstep and cause a family furore but I'm feeling that not enough force is being applied to get some action from medical or counselling. My wife is really angry and asking the same questions but not fully appreciating the 'way' my family is. (Which is disgracefully stubborn basically!)

I'm going to be suggesting she get admitted to hospital at the first sign of any further worsening but my niece isn't even able to attend school and wider health issues are apparent as a result of the weight loss. Or maybe it's the other way round and something else is causing the food related issue.

 

I don't have direct experience, but my old boss (and good friend, as well as one of his daughters being one of my best friends) went to hell and back with one of his daughters; there is a severe lack of support and treatment available for this, and it is that treatment that is the key from what I could see.

To be honest, I doubt that your sisters approach to food has any bearing on this, as more often than not it is not the food itself, but the perceived 'action' of that food. Sufferers seem to have extremely low self-esteem, and view themselves as being fat or overweight, even when they are at the point where they are actually way too thin.

She needs help, but professional help, the trouble is that it is a very slow process to get that help started as the resources in the NHS just aren't there. All you can do is try and support, but at the same time don't judge - don't make a 'thing' out of food or eating, and try to make sure that nobody criticises anyone else's appearance in your niece's earshot. Other than that, I don't have a lot of wisdom to offer I'm afraid.

It is a rough ride for all involved, but thankfully for many it does get better.

 

Thanks FC. It's one of those things where a lot of people have their opinion of what went wrong, who did this that or the other, or something or other should have happened... but no-one has an answer for the fix. So we're staying well away from the 'what I would do is' line and just supporting where we can. That said, I did say that I want her admitted if any worsening occurs but clarified that it was the only thing I'd be saying! (Was taken the way I'd hoped so phew...)

My niece has CAMHS sessions but they are miles away and in two separate locations which is playing merry hell with my sisters work and ability to care for her daughter as well as keep the job and feed her...

We're pretty sure something in her head will click one day but the timing of that click is somewhat important.

 

It certainly did with my bosses daughter - once she got old enough to start working a part time job, and then wanted to be thinking about going out with friends.... before long, pubs came onto her radar and she started to mature and change quite rapidly.

Two of my staff have kids that need CAMHS appointments, so I am well aware of the difficulties that they pose, not to mention the additional care that the kids are needing in the first place. It's not an issue for us though, as we can arrange home working and things.