Strange customers!!!

The clay soil thread got me thinking about all the loons who Ive had the amusing pleasure of working for.

One of these was a elderly well to do chap who I spent a day cutting hedges for, around lunchtime he came out armed with a cup of black coffee for me and to let me know that he would be going out before I finished so to pop an invoice through and he would send a cheque.

This i duly did along with a stamped address envelope, ( i find this heeds prompt payment!!) A week later the envelope arrived, the first class stamp peeled off and replaced with a second class one and the words with up most urgency written underneath in block capitals!!!!

Inside was the following:
'Dear Paul, thank you for the fantastic job, in particular the way you cleared up i can hardly tell you had been other than the tidy hedges.
Please find enclosed a cheque for £200, £150 as per invoice and £50 by way of thanks for such a good job.

I must however express my disgust by your use of a first class stamp on the envelope and have removed it for safe keeping, the Royal mail is a second class organization and does not deserve first class recognition.

Regards X.'

Or there was the nudist couple, On arriving, I was greeted by the overweight house owners dressed in dressing gowns who invited me in for a coffee before I started. I was then asked if I liked the feeling of air, being 8am I just grunted and this was the Que for them both to corus that they did too and throw of the dressing gowns... pendulous breasts, fat wrinkles and cellulite et al!!!!!

Or The loony woman from a house near were I was working who got apoplectic about the noise of my hedge trimmer and screamed at me to stop as she was about to have lunch and demanded peace and quiet.... I told her were to go and to phone the council regarding the noise as i was working during normal hours and entitled to make it. She did and had to apologize!!!! The funny thing is this particular woman keeps chickens and a particularly noisy cockerel that can be heared for miles!!!

 

So you met my Grandad then lol, he was exactly the same way.

 

So THAT'S where the writers of "The League of Gentlemen" got their inspiration!:lollol:

 

:D:D:D Love the nude one..You should write a book Pro :D "The Diarie's of a Gardener"

 

Paul, can I have your address book?

 

Lol folks.

Its never a dull job. The odd loon here and there makes up for all the mundane people!I still work occasionally for the nudist couple, a very surreal experience every time! A few more, these relating to my pest control business:

I was called to treat a wasp nest in a tree stump of a church yard, the churchwarden had turned up to show me the location, and he walked up too close to it resulting in a string of unholy profanities and blaspheming and tears of laughter from me! Thankfully Id zipped up my veil and beesuit long before he got to the stump as the customer getting too close is a regular occurrence.

Another was a large wasp nest in the apex of a shed, the guy had somewhat baulked at the £45 I charge in the conversation over the phone but reluctantly agreed.

The garden was on a slope with the shed at the top, To save time I have a neat little trick were by i spray a small blast of the kerosene based insecticide over then with one hand holding a mail sack open and a pallet knife in the other I quickly sever the nest from the surface and seal the bag leaving the insecticide to work and a quick puff of dust over the surface and entrance hole to kill any returning workers. Normally job done in 10 mins.

This time it was a little out of reach and I was stretching up, I severed it and the nest missed the bag and rolled straight down the garden to wards the house with clouds of wasps coming out, The insecticide takes a few minutes to work so the wasps were very active!!! Ive never seen someone move so fast as this bloke who had come out to watch me from what he thought was the safety of the patio.

Bagged it up and in a few mins the wasps had died. Knocked on the front door and the guy said holy * you earn your money m8!!!!!

 

Great stories... now you need a video man with you....

 

Actually Paul, I think you'll find that they're not 'loons' at all, but 'characters' :D

 

Great stories, as has been said it would be great to have all these in a book. Combined with all you other jobbing gardeners etc it would make a great read - funny but sad and with some great historical entries. I'll buy it!

cheers