The Muppet Show

Lizard nearly pussies dinner.

Hi Freddy, got a nice cuppa on the go and I'm listening. Aaaahhh, nice to be back, thank you, Jenny

Dinnae teach yur granny tae suck Eggs. (Don't try to teach someone something they already Know). Yer Bum's oot the windae) (Your Talking a lot of Rubbish). Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye. (What's meant to happen will happen).

I proposed to my missus in a pub in Portsmouth called the Ship Anson. I did the one knee thing and everything, and had even bought a nice ring with a big chunk of ruby in it. Wife accepted of course, and the ring was far too big. Then my overly superstitious sister told me ruby was bad luck on...

Another type of "diving". Guy was paid $2,000,000 to do this.He wouldn't do it again, even for $10,000,000.

Well, I don't know about that, but I want a Vacuum Robot .. but they are SO expensive ...

It's a Shar-pei, believe they were first bred in China, they need a lot of looking after because of their very wrinkled skin. Val

Doesn't look like a Wildebeest but a smaller Antelope but whatever, it's a mouthful and it won't need to eat for 4/6 weeks. As snakes don't have any other way to eat but whole it has to be head first so the limbs face the right way when swallowing.

The only one which shrinks as the weather gets warmer.

Isn't that about the same as a cup of Starbucks coffee has cost each of us?

Way to go............

Bit difficult to fry this one...

What a happy mummy cat.

Here is "Owen Paterson" providing us with his pearls of wisdom:

Reported!

Better, 110.

I reckon I'm better at mowing than the chap in the video. He can't even keep his mower on the lawn.

Is it just me that thinks this Lidl advert should perhaps have been worded differently?

Buy them a live turkey

Sorry Zigs, that was me ... I was in shock Now amended.