New Tax

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by shiney, Mar 6, 2007.

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  1. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    STOP PRESS: FROM INLAND REVENUE

    New Peni-Tax from April 2007

    The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is the male penis.

    This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in a hole.

    On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!

    HOWEVER, effective from the 6th of April 2007, the penis will now be taxed according to size.

    The brackets are as follows:

    10 - 12" Luxury Tax �£300.00
    8 - 10" Pole Tax �£250.00
    5 - 8" Privilege Tax �£150.00
    3 - 5" Nuisance Tax �£30.00
    Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.

    Anyone under 3 inches is eligible for a tax refund.

    PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION
     
    shiney, Mar 6, 2007
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  2. Webmaster

    Webmaster Webmaster Staff Member

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    Can you do self assessment ?
     
    Webmaster, Mar 6, 2007
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  3. lisa0307

    lisa0307 Gardener

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    Typical [​IMG]
     
    lisa0307, Mar 6, 2007
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  4. Webmaster

    Webmaster Webmaster Staff Member

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    Or should I get an IFA in to go over my affairs?
     
    Webmaster, Mar 6, 2007
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  5. jjordie

    jjordie ex-mod

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    Anyone asking for a tax refund? :eek:
     
    jjordie, Mar 6, 2007
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  6. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    Sorry, Webmaster
    The taxman doesn't mind if you do a Self Assessment. One of the girls that used to work with me always said that all men thought a teaspoon was 6 inches long. [​IMG] [​IMG] The other girls all agreed. So an IFA would say that Self Assessment is not in your best interest. An IFA will be able to give you a full financial health check after a proper examination of your affairs. :D :D

    jjordie, no comment [​IMG] [​IMG]

    ---------------
    shiney
     
    shiney, Mar 6, 2007
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  7. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    Mrs shiney has also said that Self Assessment is not a good idea because if you get it wrong you may have to pay a big penile-ty. :D :D

    -------------
    shiney
     
    shiney, Mar 6, 2007
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  8. Banana Man

    Banana Man You're Growing On Me ...

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    well I have just got back from the police station. Thanks Shiney, the girl at the tax office didn't have a clue what I was talking about, and as I got more irrate my bill kept going up, making it quite obvious I owed them more than �£250. 3 taser guns and a ride in a police car later, all is sorted despite the police finding it hard to believe my 'cock and bull story' :rolleyes: :D
     
    Banana Man, Mar 6, 2007
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  9. UsedtobeDendy

    UsedtobeDendy Gardener

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    Just hope none of this apears in the enhanced photo comp :eek:
     
    UsedtobeDendy, Mar 6, 2007
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  10. Victoria

    Victoria Lover of Exotic Flora

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    I don't know, dendro, could be an eye opener! God, I feel the tears already! :eek: :eek: [​IMG]
     
    Victoria, Mar 6, 2007
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  11. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    Sorry, BM [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] :D

    --------------
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    shiney, Mar 6, 2007
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  12. Banana Man

    Banana Man You're Growing On Me ...

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    It wouldn't have been so bad mate, but talk about double standards, the policeman got his telescopic truncheon out to arrest me !
     
    Banana Man, Mar 6, 2007
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  13. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    BM, can you go after him for viagravated assault?

    ---------------
    shiney
     
    shiney, Mar 7, 2007
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  14. Banana Man

    Banana Man You're Growing On Me ...

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    :D ROTFLMAO :D

    By the time it got to court he would have made a full retraction. I'd get left with court costs and he'd be due a rebate :D :rolleyes: :D
     
    Banana Man, Mar 7, 2007
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  15. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    It's disgusting the lengths some people will go to in order to get their point across! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    --------------
    shiney
     
    shiney, Mar 7, 2007
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