A Joke Or Two 2025

Food inspector in a bakery catches paddy using his false teeth to do the design on the edge of apple pies.

She roars "Have you not got a tool?"

"Yes", replies paddy."But i use that for the doughnuts!"

 

Male or Female..?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living object's are actually either Male or Female .. Here are some examples :

FREEZER BAGS: They are Male , because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them...

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are Female, because once turned off it take's a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right button's are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons...

TYRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated...

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt...

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water...

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on...

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people...

EGG TIMERS: Egg timer's are female because over time all the weight shifts to the bottom...

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 year's they've hardly changed at all, yet are occasionally handy to have around...

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this - it easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps tryin

 

Jennifer, a manager at a local Lidl store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them just one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked! "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

The first man replied! "A thought, It just pops into your head. There's no warning!"
"That's very good!" Replied Jennifer.

"And, now you sir?" She asked the second man.
"Hmmm...let me see! A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of!"
"Excellent!' Said Jennifer. The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed!"

She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's farm, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep! Turning ON A light is the fastest thing I can think of."
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light!' She said.

Turning to Wally, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Wally replied! "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhoea!"
"What?" Said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
"Oh sure!" Said Wally."You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already sh*t myself!"