A Joke Or Two 2025

My grandfather had Irish blood & he played the harp, the tradition is that when he died it got passed on to the eldest grandson so a few years ago when he sadly died the harp was passed on to me.

My wife is an amazing musician she plays the Saxophone, the keyboards and lots of other instruments & last year when we talking about what to get each other Christmas she said “could I have your harp” I said “no it doesn’t work like that, the harp has to be passed on to the eldest grandson it’s mine” she said “oh please I really would like to learn to play it” so after a bit more persuasion I gave in so...

Last Christmas I gave her my harp.

 

Kevin out on the golf course in Twickenham, takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.

This was the first time he saw them.

She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

 

The Christmas Angel

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cursed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

All radiant and smiling; the angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day?

I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

 

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