A Woman Walks Into A Bar ......

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I
can't serve you." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."


A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

Two cannibals walk into a bar and sits beside this clown. The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second clown looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"

 

Two Terminators walk into a Bar and kill everybody.

 

It's dangerous to eat Clown. Obviously once tasted, you turn into one.

 

An Irishman walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Oh that," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"


An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, an Argentinian, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, a Canadian, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Norwegian, a Swede, a Finn, a South African, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a bar.

The barman says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."


An Octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like"
An Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays beautifully, almost better than Hendrix himself.
An Irishman gives him a piano which he tickles those ivory keys with his tentacles and almost plays better then Elton.
The Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes.
The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says " what's wrong - can ye no play it?".
The Octopus says "play it ? .............. I'm gonna f*** her brains out once I get her pyjamas off ! "

 

two young nuns have just qualifed and are transferred to assist the catholic church in a remote area

the nuns land in an airport in deepest Africa .... they need to work at the catholic church, and the country is in turmoil with riots, mugging and looting

at the airport, there is no-one to meet them so they hire a car (an old battered dented 1950's grey VW Beetle) and proceed to drive towards the city

they take a wrong turn, encounter heavy traffic, burning tyres, rocks and logs strewn in the road .... and are soon surrounded by a mob of angry rioters, who scream, shout, rock the car and thump the car

the nuns are in shock, and the one nun asks the other nun:

Sister .... I am frightened! .... What should I do????

with eyes as big as saucers, the other nun says: .... Sister .... show them your cross!



the nun proceeds to wind down the window and screams: F*** off C***s!!!!

 

A man walks into the Doctors with a Bananana in one ear, a Carrot in the other & 2 cloves of Garlic up his nostrils.

He says, whats the matter with me Doctor?

The Doctor says, you're not eating properly.