A joke or two.

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by kindredspirit, Oct 26, 2011.

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  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
    He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person,"How much for one of those Barbie's in the window ?".
    The Sales person answers,"Which one do you mean sir?".
    "We Have"
    Work out Barbie For £20
    Shopping Barbie For £20
    Beach Barbie For £20
    Disco Barbie For £20
    Ballerina Barbie For £20
    Skater Barbie For £20
    And Divorced Barbie For £325".

    The Amazed Father asks " Why is the Divorced Barbie £325 and the others only £20"?
    The Annoyed Sales person rolls her eyes,Sighs, and answers.

    "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with---------

    Kens Car
    Kens House
    Kens Boat
    Kens Furniture
    Kens Computer
    And One Of Kens Friends,





    "And A Key Chain Made With Kens Balls".:).
     
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      music, Sep 18, 2012
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    • Phil A

      Phil A Guest

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      Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

      The Barman says "Why the long face?"
       
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        Phil A, Sep 18, 2012
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      • shiney

        shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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        Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

        The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

        The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

        So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

        She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

        He said, "I want five loaves."

        She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

        He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this moo poo but me."
         
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          shiney, Sep 20, 2012
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        • music

          music Memories Are Made Of This.

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          A Little old man shuffled into an ice cream parlour, pulled himself slowly,Painfully,up onto a stool.
          After Catching His Breath, He Ordered A Banana Split.
          The Waitress Asked Kindly "Crushed Nuts"?.

          "No He Replied "Arthritis".;).
           
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            music, Sep 20, 2012
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          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            A man goes to a shrink and says,"Doctor,my wife is unfaithful to me ".
            "Every evening she goes to Larry's Bar and picks up men, in fact,she sleeps with anybody who asks her !." I'm going crazy,what do you think i should do ?".

            "Relax," says the doctor",take a deep breath and calm down,".

            "Now tell me, Exactly, Where Is Larry's Bar????.
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
            #275 Quote in Conversation
          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            Smith climbs to the top of Mt Sinai to get close enough to speak to God.
            Looking Up he asks The Lord,
            "God what does a million years mean to you?".
            The Lord replies,"A Minute".
            Smith Asks, "And what does a Million Pounds Mean To You"?.
            The Lord Replies, "A Penny".
            Smith Asks, "Can I Have A Penny?"
            The Lord Replies, "In A Minute" !!!.:).
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
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          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            An Englishman ,An Irishman, A Scotsman And A Welshman, Are introducing their sons.
            The Englishman says," This is my son George,he was born on St Georges Day.
            The Scot says,"This is my son Andrew,He was born on St Andrews Day.
            The Welshman continues" This Is My Son David, He was born on St David's Day.
            The Irishman Says "And This Is My Lad,---------- PANCAKE . :sofa:.
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
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          • Evil Len

            Evil Len Nag a ram

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            Someone keeps sneaking onto my allotment at night and pouring soil everywhere.

            The plot thickens.
             
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              Evil Len, Sep 21, 2012
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            • miraflores

              miraflores Total Gardener

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              do you mean moles/rabbit that sort of thing?
               
              miraflores, Sep 21, 2012
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            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

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              (A Letter From Ann Summers Ltd.).:).

              Thank You For Your Order.
              You Asked For The Large Red Vibrator Pictured In Our Wall Display.

              Please Re-Select, As This Is A Fire Extinguisher. ;).
               
              music, Sep 21, 2012
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            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

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              My Wife Was Screaming At Me," Leave, Get Out Of This House !".

              As I Was Walking Out The Door She Shouted,

              "I Hope You Die A Slow And Painful Death !!".

              So I Turned Around And Replied,

              "So Now You Want Me To Stay" ????.;).
               
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                music, Sep 21, 2012
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              • Phil A

                Phil A Guest

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                Sniggering uncontrolably:snork::snork::snork::dbgrtmb:
                 
                Phil A, Sep 21, 2012
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              • music

                music Memories Are Made Of This.

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                Superman Was patrolling the skies above New York.
                He Sees Wonder Woman sun bathing naked on top of a sky scraper.
                He Thought that if he travelled at the speed of light,
                He could give her one, and be away before she knew what had happened !.

                So in he flew, did the dirty deed,and flew off again.
                Wonder Woman Said,"What The Hell Was That ?"
                "No Idea", said the Invisible Man, "But My Butt Hurts" !!.;).
                 
                music, Sep 22, 2012
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              • Phil A

                Phil A Guest

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                Ahh, we've reached the 1970's then:snork:
                 
                Phil A, Sep 22, 2012
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              • shiney

                shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                That obviously hit the spot, Zigs :snork:
                 
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                  shiney, Sep 23, 2012
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