Questions you can't answer......

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by borrowers, May 20, 2009.

  1. borrowers

    borrowers Gardener

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    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?


    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is
    wet?


    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?


    What is the speed of darkness?


    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?


    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal'
    people at the Special Olympics?


    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?


    Do married people
    live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?


    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


    Did you ever stop and wonder.......


    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think
    I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

    Who was the first person to say, 'See
    that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'

    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the
    bathroom is?

    Why does your Obstetrician/ Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?


    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs.


    If quizzes are quizzical,
    what are tests?


    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


    Stop singing and read on.......


    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



    Enjoy! cheers
     
  2. capney

    capney Head Gardener

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    Some of my thoughts exactly:hehe::hehe::hehe:
    robert
     
  3. clueless1

    clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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    Amusing, but I reckon I can actually answer some of those questions:

    Q. Why do banks charge a fee when there are insufficient funds?
    A. Because they are greedy, thieving <so and so's> whose vocabulary has some notable omissions like words like 'morals', 'ethics', 'right', 'wrong' or 'decent'.

    Q. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    A. Contrary to popular belief, Kamikaze pilots did not set out to use their plane as a missile. They had every intention of returning to base after an assault alive and with their plane intact, however living by the motto 'death before dishonour', a mission failure was simply not an option, so if they ran out of ammo or their plane was damaged in a raid, the pilots last ditch attempt to complete the mission successfully would drive him to use his plane to hit the target.

    Q. If the temp is zero and is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what will it be?
    A. If it is 0'C, then twice that will be -136.5'C. Why? Because absolute zero (zero degrees Kelvin) is the theoretical temperature that represents the complete absence of heat, and is equal to -273'C, ie 0'C = 273'K. If we apply the logic that twice as cold is the same as saying half as warm, then half of 273'K = 136.5'K or minus 136.5'C

    Q. Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'Lisp'?
    A. Someone with a cruel sense of humour.
     
  4. cajary

    cajary Gardener

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    I've got a light in my freezer as well as the fridge:)

    Why are there (roughly) the same amount of males as females on the planet when one male can impregnate thousands of women so you could reduce the amount of males. Apart from the fact that the T.V. would then only be "Soaps" and shopping channels:hehe:
     
  5. clueless1

    clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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    Not such an issue nowadays, but as nature considers males to be expendable, you'd need a fair few of us to cover for losses, like being eaten by a sabre tooth tiger while the missus and the kids are hiding in the cave.
     
  6. cajary

    cajary Gardener

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    Hmm! Fair comment, (not so clueless) but in hunter/gatherer situations, the women can go out and kill animals for food. Lionesses do the killing, the males are just there to reproduce. Females can do everything that the males can do in that respect. Women can do everything that us guys can do. Apart from reproduce. So why so many guys:scratch:
     
  7. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    Because we love them Caj :) Anyway its not in our Nature To Share our men, Why do you think we let our nails grow hahaha..
     
  8. catztail

    catztail Crazy Cat Lady

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    OMG i nearly wet myself laffing when i got to the chicken one!!!!!
     
  9. clueless1

    clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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    Being a bloke myself, I hate to admit it, but in nature, it is very often the case that the females are tougher in every respect than the males, so the males I guess would be more likely to get killed in a 'wild' or natural situation. Males may often be more aggressive, but lets face it we are far less fearsome than females.

    In many species (but by no means all), the male is typically bigger and has more muscle mass than the female. Males me also be typically more aggressive, but when it comes to strength of instinct, it is often that female that will fight/hunt with the most ferocity and most success.

    Just to throw in a little anecdote from my childhood, I remember this very vividly despite being young enough at the time that I was in my pushchair. My mum is the most timid woman on the planet, and very petite too. She is not built for fighting either physically or mentally. But one day, while out down town, a large dog took an instant disliking to me, and charged at me with its teeth out and barking and snarling as it ran straight at me. I remember being instinctively terrified, and out the corner of my eye I just saw my petite timid mum run round to the front of the pushchair, with her arms out. I caught sight of my mum's face for a second, just long enough to see her expression. That scared me more than the dog because there was my timid, smiley mum but now she looked like a killing machine. She roared at the dog and then booted it one just as it was about to get me. As the dog, slightly stunned, turned its attention to her, she went for it again. I have no idea what she was going to do, probably she didn't either, but the dog decided not to wait to find out, and it legged it. At that point my mum stopped being possessed by the devil and burst into tears. The key point in this story is that the dog was clearly hostile, and very big. Most grown men would have froze or panicked. Had I not been there my mum probably would have too, but because her child was threatened she met that threat and doubled it in return. I firmly believe that if that dog had not backed down, my timid, petite mum would have fought it with all the ferocity of an enraged wild animal.
     
  10. cajary

    cajary Gardener

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    clueless. I'm sure you are remembering correctly.:) Kipling says it all in his poem "deadlier than the male". It was also the perceived wisdom among all my fathers generation that child-abusers should be handed over to a group of Mums, not Dads. They are far more inventive and in those situations, entirely without any form of control. They carry the burden of ensuring a species survives. Probably a visceral reaction but it's helped our species survive. I'm still not happy that his explains why there are so many males. I'll "Google "it.

    Hi Ydd, long time no speak:(. Females might not like sharing their males but they're quite happy to share their "favours". It's just that they have to "like" the other male. Unlike us males:D Loads of research into birds, apes etc. prove that. I thought girls had nails so that they had something to look at when they were trying to think of something to say:hehe::lollol:
     
  11. cajary

    cajary Gardener

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    clueless. I've had a meander through the different science sites, (mildly uncomfortable, these sites have proper scientists on them and the sites are, usually, unmodded. Can make you feel like a 2yr old:() It appears that no one actually knows the answer to this question. :scratch: It appears to be a bit more subtle than we thought. The best guess is that it's something to do with churning up the DNA so that some of our species are resistant to particularly virulent pathogens.:scratch: I guess it's something like, if HIV was more easily transmitted, (like a cold virus) Some group would have resistance. It's obviously worked, we're still about for a little while:).
    I'm surprised that nobody on the site has a little more knowledge about this.:scratch:
    There you go. A "bear of little brain" has posed a question that no one can answer.:)
     
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