Almost One Liners

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by shiney, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2006
    Messages:
    67,387
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired - Last Century!!!
    Location:
    Herts/Essex border. Zone 8b
    Ratings:
    +134,480
    A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

    I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.

    I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

    I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

    A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do."

    My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

    I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

    I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.

    On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

    The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him!
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • music

      music Memories Are Made Of This.

      Joined:
      Jun 14, 2009
      Messages:
      3,415
      Gender:
      Male
      Occupation:
      A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
      Location:
      Scotland
      Ratings:
      +2,786
      Good Ones Shiney, Laughing heart.
       
    • JWK

      JWK Gardener Staff Member

      Joined:
      Jun 3, 2008
      Messages:
      34,095
      Gender:
      Male
      Location:
      Surrey
      Ratings:
      +54,172
      These really brightened up my morning!
       
    • Phil A

      Phil A Guest

      Ratings:
      +0
      :heehee::heehee::heehee: Is that Tim Vine by any chance ?Laughing heart
       
    Loading...

    Share This Page

    1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
      By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
      Dismiss Notice