Canada Is Having Immigration Problems

From the Manitoba Herald:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The Republicans winning the Senate is prompting
an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, global warming activists, and "green" energy proponents
crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota .. "The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even
got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just kept coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across
the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the
battery dies.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though, and some kale chips."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player or one of the Lennon sisters on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,and
hold them for further questioning" an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s,
and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for
American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an
Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"