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Cancer of the asophagus

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Purple Streaks, Jun 2, 2021.

  1. Upsydaisy

    Upsydaisy Total Gardener

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    upload_2021-8-19_19-19-19.png

    My sincere condolences @Purple Streaks .:grphg:

    She is finally at peace now and free from pain.

    Now you must find peace within by knowing that you were a wonderful and very caring daughter to her..which she knew and undoubtedly felt your love and unwavering support right up until it was her time for eternal rest and peace.

    Don't try to rush this healing process, let it set it's own pace. Let me reassure you that you will heal in time and then all the good and happy memories will come flooding back and take up their 'forever home' deep in your heart.

    My love goes out to you, we are all here for you.
    xxxx
     
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    • Fat Controller

      Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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      Sincerest condolences @Purple Streaks :grphg::grphg:

      @Upsydaisy has said all that I would like to convey and has said it much better than I could.

      We are all here for you.
       
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      • shiney

        shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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        Our thoughts are with you. :grphg:
         
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        • Perki

          Perki Total Gardener

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          My condolences purple streak.

          Perki
           
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          • Purple Streaks

            Purple Streaks Gardener

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            Tomorrow is mum's funeral I wish it wasnt, I don't think I'm ready for the finalisation of no mum. Until she goes I feel it is all a bad dream .I know it's real and I keep breaking down with uncontrollable tears .. but I feel I cannot do the last bit of letting go as that makes it final.
             
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            • Fat Controller

              Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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              Be gentle with yourself in the coming days @Purple Streaks and once the funeral is over, take things at your own pace. Grief takes time - however much time that it takes.
               
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              • Upsydaisy

                Upsydaisy Total Gardener

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                Dear @Purple Streaks ...I so want to give you a big hug.
                Tomorrow will be a very surreal day for you, do what I did for both my parents, although I shed tears I kept reminding myself that I and everyone else were here to celebrate their long and happy life. That is the ultimate wish we could have wanted for them, so rejoice it that.

                You will eventually get a feeling of calmness and relief that you have finally done all that was needed to give your Mum all that she deserved. Love and respect to the very end.
                Remember there are no 'Goodbyes ' just 'See you laters'.

                It's now all about you and your time to be given the support, time and space to recuperate and heal, take it slowly and as I've said before the heaviness in your heart and the darkness in your mind will lift and happy memories will come tumbling down and suddenly you will realise that you are once again laughing and smiling as you recall all your happy times together.
                Right now you will be thinking...no never, but I can guarantee you that you will smile and laugh at life's memories.

                I will , like everyone else on here be with you in spirit tomorrow, I hope you will be able to feel us supporting you every step of the way.

                Keep talking to us...we are always here. :grphg: xxx

                And remember....
                upload_2021-9-9_8-48-3.png
                 
              • hailbopp

                hailbopp Gardener

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                Fat Controller is right, grief does take time and as much as you need.
                When sorting my late Mother’s personal effects after she died I found this poem with her instructions regarding her funeral.
                I had never heard of the poem before and my Mum was not one for poetry! However this obviously was what she wanted.
                “Remember me with smiles and laughter for that is how I will remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears then don’t remember me at all”.
                I am sure your Mum would not want you to be so very sad. By trying to remember the funny happy times you had with her does help a little with the overwhelming feelings of loss and grief.
                 
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                • Purple Streaks

                  Purple Streaks Gardener

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                  At the moment I'm going through the foggy stages .I feel so out of it. I cannot sit down ,I can't relax , I'm aching all over and I'm losing weight still.
                  it's hard to explain just how I do feel .

                  But when I have stopped feeling guilty I'm hoping that I can put together a book ,
                  My mums childhood memories......
                  Just for the family ,.

                  When we lost my dad I talked mam into writing her memories of her childhood . Starting with a brief history of her mum n dad, and her siblings from the earliest that she could remember .

                  With Her memories going back to the age of four and a lot of writing we decided we needed to get her a laptop . Mum did well at 76 but the laptop with no Internet often had a mind of its own!!!!
                  It would delete her pages , mix up her sentences etc and she hadn't even touched it!!!!

                  Well , we completed her memories right up to the year my sister and myself were born.
                  All it needs is for me to put it all in order add the photos etc ........

                  and ..?...print it off.
                  This I think will help me and the others in our small family.
                   
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                  • Fat Controller

                    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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                    As someone looking in from the sidelines @Purple Streaks, whilst understanding fully that you cannot help the way you feel, I can honestly say that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You should be proud - proud that you managed to get your mum's memories documented, proud that you spent that time with her to do so, proud that she clearly loved you and trusted you so deeply that she went through her memories with you and proud that you cared for your mum with so little support.

                    Grieving takes its own time and certainly cannot be rushed, but hour by hour and day by day it does ease ever so slightly. You may find that you need support from your GP as well as friends and family - the key is making sure you reach out when you need it as the general tendency is for folks to 'leave you in peace'.... they've not forgotten about you, but are in fact trying to be respectful. Be gentle with yourself, take your time and reach out when you need to.
                     
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                    • Upsydaisy

                      Upsydaisy Total Gardener

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                      Hello @Purple Streaks , you do not have to try to explain how you are feeling, I think we can all understand what you are experiencing right now. Sadly there is no short cut through these stages of grief, they have to be gone through.

                      You are doing a good thing making a book for the family, doing something positive really will help.

                      After my Mum died I began researching her family tree...got back to the mid 1600s, it certainly helped me to still feel connected to her. When my Dad died last year we gathered up all the old family photo albums and these will all be digitilised and given to all the family so far a handful of pics have been put of memory sticks and given to all their grandchildren....it's a start.

                      Take care and be kind to yourself...time is your best friend right now and will help you heal.:grphg:xx
                       
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                      • CanadianLori

                        CanadianLori Total Gardener

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                        @Purple Streaks I apologize for not seeing your post about your mother passing and I offer my sincere sympathy.

                        You do realize that she'll never be totally gone? You will remember her giving you good advice or helping you learn new skills. What she liked to eat. How she made a bed or washed a dish. There is always something about yourself too that is very much your Mum. It could be the shape of your fingers and hand or your smile may be just like hers. And expressions do pass down. Even adopted kids pick up the goodness from their parents and adopt their behaviour to mimic them.

                        I still have occasions when I would love to pick up the phone and ask her a question. And it is a lovely way to be reminded of her even though she has been gone for over 25 years.

                        And there are lots of times I can see my Mum wagging her finger at me when I'm about to do something that is not intelligent!

                        It takes awhile to go through grieving and we all do it in our own style.

                        Hugs from me.
                         
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