Duck

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any damned bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any damned bread, ask me again and I'll nail your damned beak to the bar you irritating little bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

 

After that, the duck went into a pharmacy and said "Have you got any beak ointment?"

The pharmacist replied "Certainly, will you be paying cash?"

The duck replied "No, just put it on my bill."

 

A motorist in a B.M.W. was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he spotted a nearby farmer and asked how deep the water was. "Arr", said the local farmer "That water only be a few inches deep!" Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there in his soaking wet luxury car, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: "I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!!!" "Well," replied the local farmer "It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!"​

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obviously copied from the net

 

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about ,he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks,"Uh- oh! I'm in deep poo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the yound panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree,
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther, So , off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The yound panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am i going to do now?".. but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says: " Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs!
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull#### and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Of course, i am in no way insinuating that we are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.