For the ladies only ....

This is for the 'girls' only.

I rolled on the floor laughing as this is so true!
Every woman who's ever had a mammogram
done will understand this completely !!
---------------------------------


For years and years they told me
ââ?¬Å?Be careful of your breasts,
Don�t ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly testsââ?¬Â.

So I heeded all their warnings
And protected them by law,
Guarded them very carefully
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr Pruitt
Said I should have a mammogram
ââ?¬Å?Okââ?¬Â I said ââ?¬Å?lets do it.ââ?¬Â

ââ?¬Å?Stand up here real closeââ?¬Â she said
As she got my boob in line.
ââ?¬Å?Tell me when it hurtsââ?¬Â, she said
ââ?¬Å?Ah yes ! Right there, thatââ?¬â?¢s fineââ?¬Â.

She stepped upon a pedal,
I couldn�t believe my eyes !
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vice !

My skin was stretched and mangled
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excrutiating pain I felt
Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing ââ?¬â??
My poor defenceless t*t !

ââ?¬Å?Take a deep breathââ?¬Â she said to me,
Who does she think she�s kidding???
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

ââ?¬Å?There, thatââ?¬â?¢s goodââ?¬Â I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying)
ââ?¬Å?Now, lets have a go at the other oneââ?¬Â.
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I�ll bet SHE�S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time they make me do this
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in
I surely have one now ââ?¬â??
If there had been a cyst in there
It would have gone ââ?¬Å?ker-pow!ââ?¬Â

This machine was created my a man ââ?¬â??
Of this, I have no doubt.
I�d like to stick his b***s in there
And, see how THEY come out !!!!


:eek:

[ 12. February 2008, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]

 

jjordie, you, and my wife, have my deepest apology A man may have invented the machine, but who plugged it in? :D

 

Judging by the people working on my new 'kitchen ring' David, it was an electrician. I expect mine to lick a bare wire at any moment to see if it's live. :eek:

 

I relate to this 110%!! When my 'friendly' colleague/surgeon suggested I need one and later asked me how it went, I replied that it was a "cheek sucking" experience! He laughed!

 

God, we men have a lot to answer for. :D

 

Because of this I have always refused to have one done ... I'll take my chances ...

 

Noooo LoL, you can,t take chances with your body..go NOW...

 

Although I laughed at this rhyme because it was so explicit it was not a laughable experience!

I would NEVER have another one. Like you LoL I will take my chances. :eek:

 

I`m so sorry ladies, my eyes are still watering.

 

my sides are still splitting :D :D

 

OMG I'ave never had one is it really as bad as that?Hel.xxx.

 

Yes, unfortunately it is Hel (- well it was for me.)

I spoke to the consultant afterwards about the extensive bruising it had caused
and after saying 'oh dear' and being very patronising he more or less said
he wasn't botherd as they 'had to do a certain number of scans' to keep the survey
numbers up - didn't matter about the patients.

As I said, never again!


:eek:

[ 22. February 2008, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]