For the ladies only ....

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by jjordie, Feb 12, 2008.

  1. jjordie

    jjordie ex-mod

    Joined:
    May 24, 2005
    Messages:
    3,639
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norfolk
    Ratings:
    +206
    This is for the 'girls' only.

    I rolled on the floor laughing as this is so true!
    Every woman who's ever had a mammogram
    done will understand this completely !!
    ---------------------------------


    For years and years they told me
    ââ?¬Å?Be careful of your breasts,
    Don�t ever squeeze or bruise them,
    And give them monthly testsââ?¬Â.

    So I heeded all their warnings
    And protected them by law,
    Guarded them very carefully
    And I always wore my bra.

    After 30 years of astute care
    My gyno, Dr Pruitt
    Said I should have a mammogram
    ââ?¬Å?Okââ?¬Â I said ââ?¬Å?lets do it.ââ?¬Â

    ââ?¬Å?Stand up here real closeââ?¬Â she said
    As she got my boob in line.
    ââ?¬Å?Tell me when it hurtsââ?¬Â, she said
    ââ?¬Å?Ah yes ! Right there, thatââ?¬â?¢s fineââ?¬Â.

    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I couldn�t believe my eyes !
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooters in a vice !

    My skin was stretched and mangled
    From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed
    To Swedish Pancake thin.

    Excrutiating pain I felt
    Within its vice-like grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing ââ?¬â??
    My poor defenceless t*t !

    ââ?¬Å?Take a deep breathââ?¬Â she said to me,
    Who does she think she�s kidding???
    My chest is mashed in her machine,
    And woozy I am getting.

    ââ?¬Å?There, thatââ?¬â?¢s goodââ?¬Â I heard her say,
    (The room was slowly swaying)
    ââ?¬Å?Now, lets have a go at the other oneââ?¬Â.
    Have mercy, I was praying.

    It squeezed me from both up and down,
    It squeezed me from both sides.
    I�ll bet SHE�S never had this done,
    To HER tender little hide.

    Next time they make me do this
    I will request a blindfold.
    I have no wish to see again
    My knockers getting steamrolled.

    If I had no problem when I came in
    I surely have one now ââ?¬â??
    If there had been a cyst in there
    It would have gone ââ?¬Å?ker-pow!ââ?¬Â

    This machine was created my a man ââ?¬â??
    Of this, I have no doubt.
    I�d like to stick his b***s in there
    And, see how THEY come out !!!!


    :eek:

    [ 12. February 2008, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]
     
  2. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Messages:
    10,282
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    South East Wales
    Ratings:
    +2,882
    jjordie, you, and my wife, have my deepest apology [​IMG] A man may have invented the machine, but who plugged it in? :D
     
  3. Sarraceniac

    Sarraceniac Gardener

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Messages:
    2,980
    Ratings:
    +3
    Judging by the people working on my new 'kitchen ring' David, it was an electrician. I expect mine to lick a bare wire at any moment to see if it's live. :eek:
     
  4. Daisies

    Daisies Total Gardener

    Joined:
    May 26, 2005
    Messages:
    9,335
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,686
    I relate to this 110%!! When my 'friendly' colleague/surgeon suggested I need one and later asked me how it went, I replied that it was a "cheek sucking" experience! He laughed!
     
  5. Marley Farley

    Marley Farley Affable Admin! Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2005
    Messages:
    30,588
    Occupation:
    Grandmother Gardener Councillor Homemaker
    Location:
    Under the Edge Zone 8b
    Ratings:
    +14,130
    ;) Cheek sucking & eye watering was my opinion!!!!!! :eek: :D
     
  6. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Messages:
    10,282
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    South East Wales
    Ratings:
    +2,882
    God, we men have a lot to answer for. [​IMG] [​IMG] :D
     
  7. Victoria

    Victoria Lover of Exotic Flora

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    33,224
    Occupation:
    Lady of Leisure
    Location:
    Messines, Algarve
    Ratings:
    +65,886
    Because of this I have always refused to have one done ... I'll take my chances ...
     
  8. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,922
    Location:
    Newcastle upon tyne
    Ratings:
    +5
    Noooo LoL, you can,t take chances with your body..go NOW... [​IMG]
     
  9. jjordie

    jjordie ex-mod

    Joined:
    May 24, 2005
    Messages:
    3,639
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norfolk
    Ratings:
    +206
    Although I laughed at this rhyme because it was so explicit it was not a laughable experience!

    I would NEVER have another one. Like you LoL I will take my chances. :eek:
     
  10. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Messages:
    10,282
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    South East Wales
    Ratings:
    +2,882
    I`m so sorry ladies, my eyes are still watering. [​IMG]
     
  11. intermiplants

    intermiplants Gardener

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2007
    Messages:
    2,211
    Ratings:
    +3
    my sides are still splitting :D :D ;)
     
  12. Helofadigger

    Helofadigger Gardener

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2007
    Messages:
    3,571
    Ratings:
    +1
    OMG I'ave never had one is it really as bad as that?Hel.xxx.
     
  13. jjordie

    jjordie ex-mod

    Joined:
    May 24, 2005
    Messages:
    3,639
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norfolk
    Ratings:
    +206
    Yes, unfortunately it is Hel (- well it was for me.)

    I spoke to the consultant afterwards about the extensive bruising it had caused
    and after saying 'oh dear' and being very patronising he more or less said
    he wasn't botherd as they 'had to do a certain number of scans' to keep the survey
    numbers up - didn't matter about the patients.

    As I said, never again!


    :eek:

    [ 22. February 2008, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]
     
Loading...

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice