Getting a tad nearer the "stressed" level now!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by "M", Apr 5, 2014.

  1. "M"

    "M" Total Gardener

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    So, I've got a few "irons in the fire" at the moment, which would equate to being 'up there' on the stress o meter.

    A couple of those will be life changing in differing contexts. Fine, that is what life is about: change, evolving, change, enriching, change, advancing, change, re-thinking, change, compromising, change, redefining (yadda, yadda, yadda!).

    But, any and all changes means a degree of compromise and I'm my wits end right now (ok, less dramatic, but still as valid: overwhelmed?) by the choices, the compromises, the decisions, the time constraints: decisions, decisions, decisions AND ... the fear of making the WRONG decisions!!!! *insert teeth chattering smiley*

    I'm certain I'm not the first; nor will I be the last! But ...

    ... as a 'rule of thumb' ... just how much of a "compromise" would equate to a realistic one when making life's bigger decisions? 80/20? :scratch: 60/40? :dunno: Or, good ole fashioned: 50/5o? :noidea:

    Should you aim as high as you can and then come down in increments? Or, should you just pick a middle road and be done with it? Or, maybe, just stay the same?

    Crikey, this aging lark is quite a nagging little blighter in oh-so-many aspects!

    Sorry for being vague but, the principle is equally valid: just which ratio could be called a "reasonable" comprise?

    Or, perhaps there isn't one? :scratch:
     
  2. Fat Controller

    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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    I'm not so sure that there is a specific ratio :dunno: - indeed, that would surely be a variable purely dependant on the problem/issue/compromise that you are facing.

    The only two things that I can say with any certainty is that you should never make any compromise that you know you are not comfortable with, and that we are all here (be it on forum or by PM) if you need to bend some cyber-ears.
     
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    • lost_in_france

      lost_in_france Total Gardener

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      Hard to say going on the information given.

      For me it was quality of life over quantity of money. I had a well paid, fairly stressful job which I had once loved but then became a bit disillusioned with. I had the opportunity to take early retirement at 53 which, as I had taken it so early, meant a reduction of three quarters of my income but meant I could move to our house in France full time and give up paid employment. We sold our house in London and bought a small flat in Waltham Abbey to keep a foot on the UK property ladder and give my OH a base as he commutes to the UK 3 days a week and works from home in France the rest of the time. So we still have his income and we have my pension but it was still a big hole in our finances. Totally worth it though as I get to spend most of my time working in the garden or on the house and am with my dogs all the time.

      Not sure if that helps at all. I don't think I thought of it as a % compromise. More that the pros outweighed the cons - eg pros are I have more time to do the things I love, am less stressed, healthier, happier etc versus the cons which are I have less money and don't see my family as much as I'd like. Only you can know what your priorities are and what 'sacrifices' you are prepared to make to achieve them.
       
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      • "M"

        "M" Total Gardener

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        N'aww, bless your kind, kind heart my friend: thank you!

        I think I am sort of bending ears here - even though I am being vague about it. But, you have said something very pertinent: "never compromise [on something] that you are not comfortable with (that helps, thank you!)

        @lost_in_france Thank you! Your comments did indeed help and are much appreciated :grphg:
         
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        • Sheal

          Sheal Total Gardener

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          "M" you can only compromise if you are comfortable with it as FC says and when it comes to life I don't think you can bring mathematical percentages into it - it has to be down to your personal feelings about the subject in question.

          I'd start by thinking on the biggest change and get that sorted out first, then work your way through the changes leaving the smallest until last. You will probably find once the first decision is made then the others will fall into place around it.

          If you aim high, you've got a longer way to fall if it doesn't work out and that won't be good for your stress levels. You will also have to start your present 'agonies' all over again, could you cope with that? If you don't change things at all then you will regret not having done it and will be stuck in the same place that you are right now.

          I'm in a similar position to you, making life changes and I think that 'mature' people as we are, ;) we not only have to think of now but the years that are following and whether those changes will be for better or worse.

          My 'shell like' is on offer if you need it. Good luck! :dbgrtmb:
           
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          • "M"

            "M" Total Gardener

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            Head-nail-top of the hit parade!!!!! :thumbsup:

            Wise words: thank you! :grphg: Nutshell!!!! :star:
             
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            • clueless1

              clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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              Well, I have no idea what you're on about, which makes it difficult for me to give one of my more usual very specific responses, but here goes.

              I'm with FC on this. It has to be what you are comfortable with. I have in the past simply walked away from and done my own thing, even though I knew I could have put up a fight and 'won' some tangible gain. Sometimes, for me at least, change is about 'simply' binning off a whole chapter of my life and starting a new one. Fighting for my rights would prolong the transition and mean I'd still have some strong commitment to the thing I was walking away from, meaning I hadn't actually walked away from it at all.

              But then on the flip side, there have been times when I've foreseen that major life change is inevitable, and I've gone to tremendous lengths to ensure that it goes exactly my way, and that's paid off too, but the price was exactly as I've just described. I still had a direct involvement in the situation that was to change until after I'd won my fight.

              Sorry none of this is likely to help, but this whole thread is (probably rightly) very cryptic:)
               
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              • Jack McHammocklashing

                Jack McHammocklashing Sludgemariner

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                Most of the advice given so far is top notch
                I am not great at putting things into words

                If it were a change of employment, Then do not take it just for the increase of income, only take it IF you would be competent and happy in that job, including possible commuting

                If it were to arrange to share your kennel with another woof, Only do it if you are 100% sure you would be happy sharing your dinner bowl with another, and possibly its un doggy ways

                Basically, only enter in to what you KNOW could not let you down, a lower income but a happy employment with no commuting, would make you far happier in the long run than a high stress high paid employment (As in the PETER PRINCIPLE)

                Take care

                Jack McH
                 
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                • Jiffy

                  Jiffy The Match is on Fire

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                  After having lots of problems in our lifes, we just take one day at a time, and do what is best for miss jiff and me at the time,every siturstion is differant, weigh up the +'s and -'s and go for what's is best for the life ahead
                  :grphg:
                   
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                  • "M"

                    "M" Total Gardener

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                    Heartfelt thanks to all who took the time to reply and offer their sage advice: all of which has been taken on board, greatly appreciated and respected.

                    Really helped me re-group my thoughts and put my thinking cap back on, the right way up: priceless :thumbsup:

                    Another reason I adore this forum so, so much - the very best of people! :grphg:
                     
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                    • shiney

                      shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                      Only just seen this thread! :doh:

                      Like the others, it's difficult to give specifics but easy to talk in generalities.

                      I think they have all given very good advice. A lot of advice has to be anecdotal when not being specific. So I shall comment in the same way.

                      When I was running my business I had to decide what my goals were. Did I just want to make a lot of money (correct that to, as much as I could manage assuming I could run it properly) or did I want to really enjoy going into work every day. They might not seem mutually exclusive but they generally are!

                      I decided that enjoying myself was much more important. So I paid my staff as much as the business could manage, consulted with them on any changes that might be in the offing, treated them as friends and left my books and accounts accessible at work so all of them could see what the business was making. End result: 40+ years of really enjoyable work with people that I liked and who treated me as a friend (sometimes a father - some rather embarrassing situations).

                      So, look for happiness if you can - as long as you can afford to live to an acceptable standard. If the compromise goes further than that then you have to weigh things up differently. Trying to evaluate it by percentages isn't necessarily a winning strategy. :old:
                       
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