If God Had Voicemail

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by shiney, Aug 6, 2011.

  1. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    Thank you for calling heaven.

    I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now.
    However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received.
    Please stay on the line.

    If you would like to speak to:
    God, - press 1.
    Jesus, - press 2.
    The Holy Spirit, - press 3.
    If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, - press 4.

    To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, - press 5, then enter his or her national insurance number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)

    For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16

    For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

    If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local minister.
     
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      shiney, Aug 6, 2011
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    • ARMANDII

      ARMANDII Low Flying Administrator Staff Member

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      What number do you ring, Shiney, if there's no one at the Gate when you arrive?:D:help::dunno:
       
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        ARMANDII, Aug 6, 2011
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      • Phil A

        Phil A Guest

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        The Samaritans ?
         
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          Phil A, Aug 6, 2011
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        • kindredspirit

          kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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          That reminds me.....................

          This story is pure true, I tell you...........pure true................

          St. Peter was at the Pearly Gates one day when a load of people turned up from The Gorbals. He didn't know what to do. No-one had ever turned up from the Gorbals.................EVER!

          He rushed into God. "God! God! A load of people are outside from The Gorbals, wanting to come in."

          God stroked his chin and then said, "Let 20 of them in and the rest can go below."

          St. Peter went out to The Pearly Gates but almost immediately came rushing in 10 seconds later. "God, God, they're gone!"

          "What?" says God. "The Gorbals people are gone?"

          "No, No," says St. Peter, "The Pearly Gates are gone, they're gone!"
           
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            kindredspirit, Aug 6, 2011
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          • kindredspirit

            kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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            Apologies to my Scots Brethen.

            :love30::love30::love30:
             
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              kindredspirit, Aug 6, 2011
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            • ARMANDII

              ARMANDII Low Flying Administrator Staff Member

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              Now that I like:D:heehee::heehee::heehee::D:thumbsup:
               
              ARMANDII, Aug 6, 2011
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            • ClaraLou

              ClaraLou Total Gardener

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              I think you may be in danger of a Glasgow kiss, Kindredspirit.
               
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                ClaraLou, Aug 6, 2011
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              • shiney

                shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                I think that would definitely require you to dial 666 :(
                 
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                  shiney, Aug 7, 2011
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                • Phil A

                  Phil A Guest

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                  Phil A, Aug 7, 2011
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                • redstar

                  redstar Total Gardener

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                  Good ones. I think I might Facebook them.
                   
                  redstar, Aug 7, 2011
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                • ARMANDII

                  ARMANDII Low Flying Administrator Staff Member

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                  But Shiney, then I'd get you:D:heehee::heehee:
                   
                  ARMANDII, Aug 7, 2011
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                • shiney

                  shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                  Well, ARMANDII, that's the devil of these type of things :heehee:
                   
                  shiney, Aug 7, 2011
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                • music

                  music Memories Are Made Of This.

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                  Like It Kindred :dbgrtmb:. And I Came From The Gorbals :yess:.
                   
                  music, Aug 10, 2011
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