Sweet Joke

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says, "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"

The Jelly Baby says, "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in."

So Smartie says, "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go. After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are menthol"

 

Very funny BM - what comics do you read - lol!

---------------------------------------------------
This is from my comic


CHOCOLATE BY NUMBERS
__________________________
This is pretty cool.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute... Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those wastes of time things, it's fun. :rolleyes:




1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate
(more than once but less than 10).

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold).
3. Add 5 (for Sunday).

4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator...

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1754...

If you haven't, add 1753.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number...


The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have
chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh yes it is!)


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2004) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.


(Sorry folks - Just realised this is an old joke so maybe it won't work for 2007 )

[ 05. June 2007, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]

 

Perhaps you've seen this before - it still makes me laugh :D


http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2004/m_rolo-p1.php

 

Love that one, just off to murder some smarties and read this weeks buster comic. :D

 

Sorry, been looking at comic jokes again




:D :D :D

[ 06. June 2007, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]

 

Good one jjordie :D

SMART *RSED ANSWER 6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like
dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART *RSED ANSWER 5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I
need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART *RSED ANSWER 4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART *RSED ANSWER 3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes,
well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART *RSED ANSWER 2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read
" Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead
and he got stuck under it..
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman
got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol!"

SMART *RSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-*rsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and
sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand ".

 

:D :D :D