The Jack McHammocklashing Retirement Party Thread

Well, it can't all be leisure and pleasure Jack. Tell your better half that the housework gets done the days it rains. That's how it works in my house. I've also got a very clean house!

 

Yes but that is the difference between a Gentleman, and a Civil Serpent Prat

I am and was never afraid of work, but the original job I loved as a network engineer in IT became too much after my stroke, getting called out to Casinos at 04:00 after my normal 13:00 to 22:00 shift, driving for 45 minutes there, meeting and greeting someone who thought they had won £2k, check the equipment and advise them they had NOT then return journey,
Next day told I could take THE TIME ON SITE BACK AS AN EXTENDED LUNCH HOUR.
Nothing for the 90 minutes drive and no additional pay

Aged 57 What could I do, No one wants anyone over 45
Instantly I got and I took a job with the CIVIL SERVICE as a Tax Credits advisor

The first shock was they did not wear respectable clothing just
Wripped jeans , baseball caps on back to front, and trainers, sat at lunch with their feet on the table ( all under 28yrs )
I wore a suit, eventually accepted and reduced to collar and tie order minus jacket

The pressure of work was unbeliveable
You are timed to the SECOND, and as you finish one call within a milli second the next begins, I was allowed after two solid hours 15 mins break TIMED TO THE SECOND, THEN After two hours, One hour lunch as above to the second, two hours again 15 mins break, two hours and home (the anomally in time is I, due to wifes disablement did a four day week 32hrs)
If you were over ONE SECOND LATE BACK you were disiplined or MAPPED as they call it, after three NON ADHEARANCES you were put on a note of discussion, for six months, if non adhearance again in that time it was final warning, then if again within one month DISMISAL
Most of the calls are violent and rude by ANGRY people who had been overpaid and were asked to pay back X thousand pounds

(I must state here that unlike newpaper reports,the people who are overpaid, is down to THEIR trying to work the system, or plain ignorance
They report THEIR circumstances, and are given an award of X thousand pounds
It clearly states on the AWARD NOTICE this is based on the following information
DO YOU ACCEPT THIS IS CORRECT The ball is then in THEIR COURT)

They then accept the X thousand pounds based on an income of £5k, report at the end of the year they earned £7k (they are allowed to earn £10k MORE than the estimate)
Then when we check the P60 they actually earned £22k, it is all based on honesty we can not check 7 million p60's on day one, so instead of stopping payment until we do, It is down to their honesty, Eventually during the year when ALL P60's are checked, then it is HIT THE FAN TIME Somehow they are not pleased having to pay YOUR money back

Despite this I enjoyed the actual work, and eventually good colleuges, it is the HMRC managers and burocracy where it fails, no one has the balls to question the ethics or the decisions, as they are all after their MBE or actual BONUS

Management is the old IF you can not do the job, on the coal face side move them to management

I will stop as I am on rant mode again

Jack McHammocklashing

 

I'll try and take you off rant mode Jack.

What happened with the flowers you were getting for your now, ex-boss?

 

Oh dear it was a catastrophe sort of

First off it was a bit embarrasing buying flowers for my boss, when I have never given flowers to Julie in our life :-)

Explanation the boss was exceptionally good to me a Civil Serpent with balls and looked after me well

SO
The ESSO GARAGE flowers were lets face it Naff
Interflora, a mortgage
My daughter came up trumps a local new girl on the scene, brilliant bouquets for all occasions at a good price
So she got them for me for Thursday night
Absolutely beautiful bouquet they were in a posh flower thingy that had like a bowl of water in the bottom and nipped with ribbon half way up

I put them in the car and took them to work Fine
Placed them on my desk whilst I spoke to my team leader, then it happened

The damn things decided my desk was not good enough and dived onto the floor
water and petals everywhere with burst bag of water

I recoverd them from the floor minus the pale blue roses petals, mopped up the carpet
Stuck the leaking bag in a Lidls carrier bag, and placed them on her desk, along with the thankyou card

She came over later in the morning and thanked me profusely, saying no one leaving had ever done that before and she was genuinely overjoyed, Only I was down hearted at the state of them from beautiful bouquet from a Florist to a bunch of twigs in a Lidl carrier bag
My daughter assures me she would know by the cellophane and the flowers included that she would know they were not from Lidl's but I am a little distraught all the same

I did include a rather nice box of chocs to share with her other managers for their kindness,
Just angry at myself

Jack McH

 

No worries Jack...i bet she was as pleased as punch that you had made such an effort.... at least your not at work this morningso you don't feel like you have to explain....

 

Got up this morning and frantically looking for the rolls to make my lunch up

I do not do take it with you lunches anymore do I :-) SAVED £10 on commute fuel

THIS IS GOOD THIS IS

Jack McH

 

That made me laugh Jack, I remember those days ... I DID retire early but seriously missed my sandwiches ... not quite the same when you are at home ...

Haven't heard if you got my special e-card? .. or am I on the banned list?

 

Don't worry about the flowers, it's the thought that counts. If you miss the packed lunch, make yourself one and take it into the shed or greenhouse with you, it'll taste better in there too.

 

Nope not on ANY list, but not rxd any e cards ?

I thought you had abandoned me in my hour of need
You did not even come to Ziggy the ADMINISTRATORS party for me

Catch you later

THANK YOU

Jack McH

 

A slight problem, I tried my bike, err managed 200yds and had to give up
totally knackered, legs wilted out of breath etc
That was without the trailer , let alone loaded with my goodies

Jack McH

 

That sounds like ME on MY bike!!!

 

First day of nothing to do
Bagged two tonnes of stones, drove in four loads to daughters so four loads and unloads (not far less than a mile ew) loading and unloading was the worst bit

Dug out top spit of top soil onto a tarpaulin, a border one meter wide x 12 mtrs
Dumped in stones, compacted down with heavey roller
Replaced the top soil,
Back home one ton of top soil, two loads back to daughters, chuked on rest of top soil

Letting it lay and settle, then turfing it later

Meanwhile whilst having NOTHING to do :-), I planted up two of her borders Over wintered cuttings, brought on bedding plants

Popped up to collect the grandkids from school, to my house, tea and goodies, then back home to Mum and Dad

Tomorrow A.M I have my Gym personal trainer, She recomends Five x Twenty reps lifting 30kg for upper arm strength

The rest of her advise is working though, for aerobics
For over fourty years, I can honestly say I have never Walked more than 40yds a day at any one time, and a max over all, of 500yds A DAY
When I started the garden up last year, I must have been doing that an hour, My hips and calves were killing me . Thus in my pics the garden kneeler seat, Work for five sit down for five over and over

Jack McH