A Joke Or Two 2025

A new Caithness priest was so nervous at his first Mass that he could barely speak.

Before his second Mass, he rang and asked the Monsignor for advice.

The Monsignor said,

“Before next Sunday’s service, put a little vodka in the water pitcher, after a few sips, you’ll relax.”

The next Sunday, the new priest tried it, and sure enough, he felt great, spoke confidently, and everything seemed to go smoothly.

But when he returned to the rectory, he found a message from the Monsignor:

1. Next time, sip—don’t gulp.

2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. We do NOT refer to the cross as “the Big T.”

5. The proper blessing before a meal is NOT: “Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.”

6. We do not refer to our Savior and His apostles as “J.C. and the boys.”

7. David slew Goliath. He did NOT “kick the stuffing out of him.”

8. It is always “the Virgin Mary,” not “Mary with the Cherry.”

9. During Communion, it is never appropriate to say, “Cheers!”

10. And finally: the church has a taffy-pulling contest on Wednesday at St. Peter’s. As far as I know… there is no St. Taffy’s.”

 

Good shout, but even he doesn't remember Barry the Brown Nosed Reindeer... (just as fast as Rudolph, but his brakes aren't quite as good )

 

I went to the hairdresser earlier on and asked them what cut would make me look more attractive.

I think their answer of 'a power cut' is a tad harsh...