A joke or two.... 2021

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not adding it to a fruit salad.

 

A man goes into a florist shop and asks for a bunch of flowers.
'What type sir would you like ' asks the florist.

'Oh umm I don't really know 'said the man.

'Sir', said the florist, 'let me help you....what is it exactly that you've done '

 

A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral.
He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional. After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno" comes the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

 

Hi,

A chum sent me this;


I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this FAT,
ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute.
You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches... But, when you're over sixty; who cares?

Kind regards, Colin.

 

I heard this on the radio
A man is selling his and his wife's water bed, because they're drifting apart.

 

We had one of those, trouble is, I ended up with a bad back.

 

We had a king-size one in Alabama ... great!

 

May have put this a long time ago.

What's a Chicken Tarka? It's like a Chicken Tikka but a little 'otter.

 

That's worth a groan, if anything was.

 

I WENT FOR A CHINESE LAST NIGHT AND GOT TALKING TO THE WAITER. HE TOLD ME HE LIVED IN JAPAN DURING THE WAR AND WAS A KAMIKAZE PILOT AND HIS CODE NAME WAS 'CHOW MEIN'.
I SAID 'CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT DIDN'T KAMIKAZE PILOTS SACRIFICE THEIR OWN LIVES??' TO WHICH HE REPLIED
'YES, BUT I WAS CHICKEN CHOW MEIN!!