A JOKE OR TWO.!!

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by music, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    (Marriage).


    A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!.





    The Husband yells, " When You Die I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

    "Here lies my Wife-----------------Cold As Ever"!!!!!!!!!!!.





    "YES"!! she replies,"When you die I'm Getting You A Headstone that reads.









    "Here Lies My Husband::: Stiff At Last" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.:yay::yay::yay:.;).
     
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    • Petemz

      Petemz Gardener

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      Two fellas working on a building site, and the Gaffa comes up to them and says, " I want you to measure these two poles. "
      So the two fellas set about measuring the poles, by laying them on the ground.
      Moments later the Gaffa returns and says, " Your doing it all wrong, it's the height I want and not the length ! " :loll:
       
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      • Petemz

        Petemz Gardener

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        Three Guys applying for jobs.
        The first Guy goes into the Manager's office, the Manager asks him, " Which hand am I holding up? "
        The Guy replies " Your left hand. "
        The Manager says " You've got the job. " :pathd:
        The second Guy goes into the office, and the Manager asks him, " Which hand am I holding up? "
        The second Guy says " Your left hand. "
        The Manager says " You've got the job. " :pathd:
        The second Guy says to the third Guy, " Just tell the Manager which hand He's holding up? "
        So the third Guy goes into the office, and the Manager rubs His hands together.
        The third Guy says, " Awww, you shuffled them ! " :oopss:
         
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        • Petemz

          Petemz Gardener

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          So there's these two blokes working for the Parks and Garden dept.
          And one day they're working away in the park, and there's this chap sat on't park bench watching them.
          After a while he gets curious, and goes up to the first bloke and says, " Why are you digging these holes, and then your mates filling them in ? "
          He replies, " Well, the bloke who plants the trees is away on holiday ! " :thud:
           
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          • redstar

            redstar Total Gardener

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            there are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
             
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            • roders

              roders Total Gardener

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              Just a little ditty I picked up.

              Remind you of any one?

               
            • redstar

              redstar Total Gardener

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              47119188_769136393434388_6110745079222108160_n.jpg
               
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              • Beckie76

                Beckie76 Total Gardener

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                This really made me chuckle.... F0802729-3AD7-4344-9389-70A92E68BE9A.png
                 
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                • Beckie76

                  Beckie76 Total Gardener

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                  FA18210B-164E-42A4-B756-A07A276B41E0.png
                   
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                  • Fat Controller

                    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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                  • Fat Controller

                    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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