The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
8:30 am - Finished off the cat food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm ââ?¬â?? Chewy treat! My favourite thing!
5:45 pm - Bugged the cat! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!



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Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 283 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects that I swat at them to patronize them.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I repeatedly throw up fur balls all around the house. Then today, I caught a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of doing. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I was. Such gall!

There was some sort of assembly of fellow humans tonight. I was put in lockdown for the duration of the event. However, I could hear them talking, laughing and there was a strong smell of food from the kitchen. I overheard that my confinement was due to "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to finish off one of my tormentors by making him stumble while weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog seems to get special privileges. He is regularly let outside - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously brain-washed or retarded!

The yellow bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now.

I'll continue this appearance of being submissive until the opportunity to take over presents itself.

 

As a cat and dog ( and everything inbetween) person that absolutely cracked me up.

Have you read any of Deric Longden's books. Similar understanding of animals and very very funny.

:D TO

 

Brilliant :D :D